Cougar Dating: Trend or True Love?

By Mel Bancroft

When the middle-aged, sexy, successful Stella met the young, virile Winston during her vacation in Jamaica in the movie, “How Stella Got Her Groove Back,” they’re attraction for each other was unleashed with fiery passion. Then it was unraveled by the harsh criticism society puts on older women dating younger men. Since that movie, the older woman has become known as the “cougar,” the catch phrase for what seems to be a current trend. Although it’s never been completely accepted in the past, today she is defined as the older woman—secure and liberated—who’s dating the younger man. Is real love possible with such drastic age differences or is cougar dating just a trend?

“That’s something I experienced before they gave it a label. I thought something was wrong with me liking women that were older than me. I found that women older than me were more mature and running the street was out of their system. As a young man being very handy around the house and a fabulous cook, I always got my foot in the door,” said Damon when asked what he thought about older women dating younger men. He also stated that he has dated women that were older than him by five to fifteen years and was even married to one for six years, a “beautiful learning experience,” he added.

The cougar dating experience gives younger men a sense of maturity, a feeling of importance and manliness when they can engage in conversation with older women, whom they believe are more intelligent than women their own age. Older women dating younger men tend to be in control of their lives, financially secure, and know what they want; this makes a younger man feel free from the pressure to provide and make the woman happy.

Ty says, “Older women are fiscally independent and believe that a man spending money on them is voluntary and not mandatory. The cougar thing has its advantages. They are definitely emotionally secure with themselves and know how to establish effective communication and dialogue.” However, Ty believes that an older woman dating a younger man is still not acceptable today because people don’t really understand it. “In society, it’s always the older man pursuing the younger woman.”

Be that as it may, older women dating younger men on average say they feel four to ten years younger. They’ve found themselves more attracted to younger men as men their own age lack excitement, have become set in their ways, and don’t enjoy the nightlife. Their only real fear: their younger man may run off with a woman closer to his age. This could be attributed to the younger man wanting to have children and start a family, and not being able to do that with an older woman.

Yet and still, the “cougar” is a growing species nowhere near extinction, looking for fun, laughs, and enjoying happier lives as older women dating younger men. It has become a symbol of freedom and power for women throughout the world, and there seems to be little sign that trend or true love matters at all. Dating the cougar has just as much to offer the younger man as it does the older woman.  They are both loving it for however long it will last!

Bancroft is a contributing writer for Regal Black Men’s Magazine.



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