Are There Single Males Who Are Loving It?
By Meta J. Mereday
Have you tried to find out the statistics on single males who happen to be Black? The majority of the information you will find when you search the internet for “single males” is a vast array of dating sites that assure you that they are the premiere location for finding the “man toy” of your choice, but there is nothing detailing why these single males are out there.
So trying to find out the mindset of the single male population for Blacks is even more difficult. News magazine shows, articles and reports cast distressing details regarding the dearth of available single males, particularly Black men, for Black women to marry. Black men are becoming an endangered species among the single male group, but there are those who are comfortable in that role and have no problem in discussing why it works for them.
According to Mike H., a former financial service IT professional, “I assume single Black men are a rare commodity from things I read and feedback from single Black females I know. In college, we were outnumbered by the Black women. I’m not a churchgoer and never saw the workplace as a place for anything other than professional relationships and the occasional friendship, so to meet someone like me would be through social events with people I know. I’ve had colleagues offer to introduce me to their friends, but I prefer to meet people on my own. I feel I’m approachable, but I’m not the type one would find in a club.”
So, single males are not all “club crawling” to find Mrs. Right, and despite hearing the alleged experts talking about checking out local gyms and supermarkets, sometimes it is not the location that does the trick if the single male prefers to stay that way.
“I agree with sentiments expressed in reports about the increasing number of adults, both male and female, who remain single. One article mentioned the fact there are more alternatives available to today’s adults, and I am probably in the minority of those because I never wanted to get married,” adds Mike. “I think Black women are in a tricky situation: there are men, who want to be superior financially, professionally, etc. and are open to women with less than they have, and there are professional men who want an equal only. Men have the advantage in both scenarios.”
Single males, especially Black men who are educated and professional, often do not realize that they are a rare commodity because of how they are treated in the dating scene where sometimes being a gentleman and not perpetuating a societal stereotype does not bode well for them. “If I am black gold I certainly don’t feel I am treated that way,” states Derrel J. an entertainment entrepreneur. “I met two Black women online recently who don’t date Black men. I actually liked both of them too, but in their minds, we all carry certain stereotypes.”
Representing the single male who is a gentlemen marks the beginning of the era of hope, even for those who enjoy being single. “I enjoy single life, but I would prefer to be in a relationship,” adds Derrel. “I enjoy the consistency of putting energy into something and someone with similar goals in mind.”
Addressing the media hype surrounding Black men and their roles as single males is not a simple task, but it has to start somewhere.
“The only thing I can say about the media is a criticism I have of it concerning all subjects: there is too little coverage of people who conduct themselves honorably and do good things. For every dog, there is a man who treats women with respect. For every man with a record or illicit source of income, there is a hardworking man who is dutiful and loyal,” states Mike. “I’m happy and content being a single Black male. Actually, as a kid I dreamed of living alone as an adult and having few attachments. The one problem is that I have become settled and don’t take as much advantage of my freedom as I should.”
Mereday is a contributing writer for Regal Black Men’s Magazine.