Leave Us Out of It

By Brie Crites


Albert Haynesworth is in trouble. Again. After being accused of sexually assaulting a Black waitress while out to eat, he responded by saying:

“I didn’t touch her. I don’t even like Black girls. I know what this is about, she is just upset I have a White girlfriend. I couldn’t tell you the last time I dated a Black girl. She was trying to get with me. ”


We’ve all seen it. Taye Diggs. Tiger Woods. Seal. Lamar Odom. Ice T. Black men dating or married to White (or non-Black) women. While Black men used to get hung for even looking at a White woman incorrectly, interracial couples consisting of Black men dating White women in today’s time is not only accepted; it’s sometimes expected. 

I am an equal-opportunity dater. So, by all means, do you. You can’t control whom you’re attracted to. You can’t control whom you love.  However, you can control your idiotic logic and your mouth.

As a Black woman, I can’t help but cringe when I read these remarks. How can a man that grew up with a Black woman cooking his meals, dropping him off at football practice, or washing his filthy boxers not “like” Black women?

How can a man with skin two shades away from purple not “like” a woman that carries the same complexion?

How can a man that may have dozens of different Black women in his family group all Black women into one general category and not “like” any of them?

We have all heard something like this comment from some Black man at one point in our lives. But, it still makes my skin crawl. It seems unreal that a man of influence could part his lips to spew such utter sewage and self-loathing comments.

After discussing this with my friend (a Black female, 27), she gave me some insight on her thoughts.

She said, “It’s sad to say but I’ve almost become desensitized to these comments, it’s become so common… I know how wonderful we are. I’ve got lots of beautiful. classy, [and] educated [Black female] friends. But how can [you] change a person’s preference?”

She went on to say that Black women have been getting a “bad rep” for a long time and if First Lady Michelle Obama can’t change that for us, who will?

My friend expressed the sentiments of many other Black women. She is tired of trying to fight the stereotype that all Black women are ghetto, classless, and unable to control their anger. This is not true. But, who will stand up for us?

One Black man, 26, that I spoke with stated, “I don’t have a preference. Love sees no color. Black men can date White women. But, there is a way of going about it. There is no need to belittle this race because you’re in pursuit of that race.”

I honestly believe that most Black women don’t care about Black men dating white women. But, why do we have to be drug in the mud for these Black men to feel OK with their decision to date White women? 

Go ahead! Date all the White women that you want! Just don’t bring us into the mix. There is no need to degrade Black women in an effort to appease your discomfort with dating outside your race.

Another Black woman, 24, stated, “That hurts. It really does. To think that a Black man can’t see the beauty and strength that Black women hold hurts terribly.”

In all actuality, it does hurt. It hurts that Black females could surround a Black man all his life and still grow up to dislike them and not even consider loving one intimately.

How can a Black man hate us after being unconditionally loved by his Black mother, Black aunts, Black grandmothers, Black sisters, Black cousins, Black teachers, Black nieces, and Black female friends and neighbors?

Black women may complain about Black men from time to time. But, we see the potential of all Black men. We see the power they possess. We see the confidence they hold and how they can change the atmosphere of a room. We see them for not only who they are, but also who they can be. That’s why we have stuck with them through thick and thin for so long. Can’t we get the same from Black men?

Remember what your Black mother told you: “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.” Don’t have anything good to say about us? Fine. Leave us out of it then.

Crites is a contributing writer for Regal Black Men’s Magazine, a publication dedicated to the African American community.

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