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Staying Friends with Ex After New Relationship; Is it Possible?

by Renee Rivon

 

You Say She’s Just a Friend

Men, don’t you hate it when your new woman complains about your friends?

She hates one because she thinks he’s a player. She hates the other one because he always wants to go to the strip club. It seems like she pretty much hates all of them!

So shouldn’t she LOVE the one that’s a really great friend, sensible, and intelligent? Should it matter that this great friend is of the opposite sex, and you’ve seen this friend naked and possibly slept with her...numerous times?!

Yes, you read that correctly! After a break-up, can you introduce your ex to your new lady as just a friend?

Will your new woman believe staying friends with an ex is understandable? Or will she have a reason to believe your EX is the clean up woman?

What about you? Are you truly over your ex, or does this friendship have a hidden agenda? How far can your new relationship go with your ex still being a factor?

The question is can staying friends with an ex while you’re in a relationship, really work?

Heidi Muller of AskMen.com said, “Exes must stay that way. After you’ve been intimate and seen someone naked you can never go backwards.”

          I have been in relationships and continued staying friends with an ex. I was able to do so because I no longer wanted to be with my ex.

          Now, if you still think about your ex, long to be around them, and become uncomfortable when they have dates, stop pretending, you are still in love. Therefore do not bring another woman into that soon-to-be love triangle!

I believe staying friends with an ex could work even though Muller said it can’t, and Steve Harvey doesn’t believe men and women can be just friends at all.

In this type of situation, it doesn’t matter what everybody thinks and what statistics show us. It only matters what your new woman thinks, and that’s who you need to have a conversation with. But before you do, let me give you some advice!

 

1.   Tell the truth: If you have an old girlfriend or a woman you use to sleep with in your circle, please tell your lady this before she meets her. DO NOT let her meet your ex, and you all laugh, talk and hang out and you tell her a month later that she was your ex boo. You are not Mister and they are not Celie and Shug Avery from “The Color Purple!” Your woman will feel slighted, and may feel that you two are sneaky. So tell her so she will know what everybody knows.

2.   Be open about the relationship (but not too open): If your woman is deciding about you staying friends with an ex, she needs to know about the relationship. Fill her in on how long you two dated and if you all ever broke up and got back together. Tell her what you liked and didn’t like about your ex and why you two are still friends. Maybe to a man this may seem like a lot, but most women would want to know these details but not sexual details; that’s where you can pump your breaks! Never go there I beg you! The main thing your new woman may want to know is how the relationship ended and if she broke your heart. If your ex broke your heart, there could still be a chance you love her; at least that’s how most women will see it, and for that reason, staying friends with an ex won’t work. 

3.   Don’t give too many compliments: When you are referencing about your ex or talking to her in front of your lady, don’t go overboard with compliments.  Doing that could very well cause uproar inside your woman’s head, and if you want peace in her head and in your life, keep the compliments to a minimum. And “fellas,” when she walks past you, PLEASE don’t check her out, OR look where she’s going to walk, so you can already be looking in that direction. We know that trick!

4.   Confirm your love: Let your lady know your past relationships didn’t work, and that you are with her for a reason. Make sure when you are out with her around your ex, that you make only her feel beautiful. Show her affection and be attentive to her so that she can be comfortable with you staying friends with your ex. 

5.   Give her the option: After you have done these things, she will give you the answer to the question, can you be friends with an ex. If she feels uncomfortable, she will not like that friendship and would want you to not see her anymore. You will then have to decide which relationship is more beneficial.

When you are in a relationship you share the most intimate details of your life with that person, and you do form a genuine friendship.

However, after you’ve started a new relationship, do you still need the old one? 

What’s more important if you have to decide, staying friends with an ex or starting a fresh new relationship with someone who could potentially be your wife?

This article was published on Friday 25 April, 2014.
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