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Man Caves: Essential to our Sanity

by Golden Herring

This is the ideal man cave for any New York Giants fan (Photo Credit: Blink PR).

No Girls Allowed (Wait, What?)

        No offense ladies, but Bill Bellamy’s infamous poem, actually written by Shemar Moore’s character Terry, from the movie “The Brothers” had a little truth in it.

          He stated, “I would trade my life, and all its riches, to rid my life of all these [witches].  To watchin’ games, just eatin’ and drinkin,’ to sayin’ ‘yo, get out of my face,’ when she ask, ‘baby, what you thinkin?’”

          Although the language from Bellamy’s character Brian may have been harsh and offensive to some, many men would agree with his sentiments. 

Even though we love our women, men sometimes need a hiding place from their better halves and their children, and man caves are absolute necessities to maintain sanity.

          Women are the most unique, beautiful and the strongest of all of God’s creations.  With that uniqueness comes the fact that it is more difficult to make a woman happy, though we as men try as hard as we can.

          On the contrary, keeping a man happy is really easy. 

If a man truly loves a lady, all a woman has to do is remain attractive, have our back through the difficult times, cook a meal every now and then (not always) and give us some peace and quiet when we come home from a hard days work.

          To get that peace and quiet, man caves are essential so your lady can have her space and you can to.  Luxury real estate tycoons Dan Hechtkopf and Reid Heidenry of South Beach Investment Realty in Miami give Regal Magazine readers the do’s and don’ts for the perfect man caves.

1)    Reserve Sundays for time in your man cave and try to sneak in as many hours as possible during the week.

2)    Your lady should have no role in decorating your space.  This is your area and it is OK to not have any style or taste.  Decorations should consist of gear from your favorite sports teams, the biggest television you can afford and as many video games as you can afford.

3)    However, please do not put pictures of women in bikinis on the wall unless they are modeling apparel from your favorite team.  The idea is to have alone time, not for your woman to leave you all alone.

4)    Women are not allowed in man caves for longer than 10-minute intervals, and then only to make sure you are still alive.

5)    Man caves are the perfect place to bond with your sons.  You can do absolutely nothing and honestly say its male bonding.

6)    Please sound proof your man caves so you can rock out to your favorite music and fulfill your pipe dreams of being a deejay.

7)    When your woman asks for a section in the man cave your reply should be, “The woman cave is the rest of your house, honey.  I just need one room,” explained Hechtkopf and Heidenry.

8)    No carpet, no smell.  Man caves should not smell like a locker room, but if it smells like potpourri, your man card will be permanently revoked.

9)    “Beef jerky and chips and salsa as well as a full bar is required at all times,” Hechtkopf and Heidenry said.

       10) Very few communication devices are needed in the cave.  Intercom systems and landline phones are only needed to order more food and beverages.         

Despite a man needing his alone time and his personal space sometimes, a man is nothing without a woman that completes him.

Furthermore, without a woman’s love we would probably go crazy.

Women, you are our ribs and without you we are incomplete, but we do need our time to ourselves or with our boys and man caves provide the perfect respite.

As Bellamy concluded, “But hey, they got the booty, now that’s the hitch.  And us without them, ‘now ain’t that a [witch].’”

This article was published on Friday 23 May, 2014.
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