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Knowing When to Exit: Ending a Bad Relationship

Ending a bad relationship is necessary if one is to find a real relationship.

Putting a Stop to the Madness

By Bruce Brown

Some relationships are bad because they were wrong from the start or were not meant to continue.

Although I wouldn’t consider myself a "let go" expert, one thing I’ve noticed is that every moment of this life is about letting go of something or someone that is renting far too much space in our heads.

Unfortunately, ending a bad relationship is never an easy endeavor. Building a life with someone, whether it is short term or long term, can temporarily hold your heart hostage when trying to end a bad relationship.

However, when a relationship simply isn’t working anymore and isn’t a positive part of your life, ending a bad relationship can be an important step to living a more satisfied and fulfilling life.

Self Worth and Communication

When your partner consistently points out your faults, manipulates you with shame, or abuses you in any way, the relationship will destroy your sense of self worth.

Furthermore, the attachment of intimacy can destroy your sense of self worth as well.

Lydia Cotton suggests that intimacy does not drive problems away in a failed relationship. "You can't screw your problems away in a relationship. A mind blowing love life only gets rid of the tension between your legs, not the tension in the air.”

When communication in the relationship ceases to exist, it may be time to bow out gracefully and call it quits.

Lack of communication is the first sign that a relationship is failing or headed for doom.  

In addition, bad communication may hinder any chances of finding underlying issues within one another that may help restore a failing relationship.  

According to Danelle Whitfield, communication is the missing puzzle in every bad relationship. “Without communication, a relationship cannot move forward. Listening is just as important as speaking.”   

Your agenda…

When you first meet someone, you are usually meeting who they are portraying themselves to be. Once you get passed their persona, it is easy to gauge and identify exactly how a woman feels about you.

The problem is, most women will not come out and tell you directly what their agenda is. Sometimes it may be for the right reasons, and sometimes it can be for the total opposite.

SBM.org blogger Dr. J suggests that there are tons of people that date for the wrong reasons. “I don’t think anyone can date someone because they’re going to be a lawyer, they’ve got a shot at the NFL, or one day she might be a hit singer. That’s stupid. The motivation for a relationship should be built out of a mutual attraction to each other, emotionally and romantically.”

In any event, it is best to know where both of you stand in the relationship from the very start. Be honest with yourself and to the other person so that you can avoid wasting time and energy in a stagnant relationship.

 

Time to move on…

Unfortunately, ending a bad relationship is never an easy endeavor.

To some, a bad relationship may seem better than no relationship at all. But understand by choosing to stay in a bad relationship, you will cut off the possibility of finding someone who is the right fit for you and your needs.

Ending a bad relationship is the only healthy choice to make and it is the first step towards taking back the power and control of your own life.

Healing isn’t painless either but everyone deserves love, respect and dignity. Having self-worth and believing that relationships can be fulfilling, supportive, and add to the quality of your life may help you move on to a better suitor.

Brown is a contributing writer for Regal Magazine, a publication dedicated to the African American community

This article was published on Friday 14 September, 2012.
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